A Distinct Pong

Sometimes Emma smells like Fluffy Puppy shampoo, but most of the time she smells like a dog who ate something naughty.

We do our best to keep Emma from eating the really vile stuff. When we notice her munching something, one of us executes a flying tackle and grabs her harness while the other one attempts to unhinge her jaw and extract the offending object. The things we have had to remove from her mouth, in order of least to most disturbing, are as follows:

1. Neighbor’s decorative dried starfish (returned, minus two arms)

2. Purple leather corset found by the park sandbox

3. Desiccated bat carcass

4. Maggoty vole

5. Green and slimy string cheese stick found in bushes

6. Giant serrated abalone knife, clenched in teeth while running down the beach, like Rambo

7. A puddle of frat boy vomit

8. Chunk of 2,000 pound decaying sunfish

9. Used condoms, everywhere

10. Human feces outside the mayor’s office

Emma ate an entire rat in the woods yesterday and today we are all suffering the consequences. Sunday morning coming down.